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Archive for May, 2014

I experience “the Fear” every time I share my naked body with someone new. Fear of rejection and disgust, of being seen as repulsive. Of being dehumanized. It happens even when I “know” that someone wants and cherishes me.

This flesh is the one I have. I am my body. And I know, in this place tucked deep inside underneath all the poison of years coursing through me as a legion of messages about my body, that I am whole, right, perfect—Just. As. I. Am.

So I’m going to make a commitment to share it more. Because I am going to face my fear, and permit it to pass over me and through me. And I’ll look inside to see its path, and where it has gone, there will be nothing. Just me. As I am.

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Authenticity II

Living authentically means sharing our pain and loss and being openly vulnerable as much as it means sharing our joy, elation, and good luck.

We live in a profoundly broken and unjust culture filled with layers of intersecting privileges and oppressions. Being frustrated, angry, and upset are authentic and powerful responses to those injustices and marginalizing hegemony. Usually it is only white men who are allowed to show anger, especially when they are denied what they have been told by the culture-story they are entitled to.

That’s why I am very wary and critical of the New Age aphorisms of “positive thinking” and “the secret” that are rife with white supremacist culture.

To be whole and to flourish, we need to be able to be vulnerable, and that requires sharing and showing our pain, anguish, and suffering. I think all the positive thinking conditions us to disregard and repress the uncomfortable and difficult in order to appear “successful” as functioning people.

But I reject that. I want to be more authentic than that. You will see the me that I know. Wassail.

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Authenticity

It’s shitty of you to doubt someone’s earnest story of who they are. You see, we know that identity isn’t self-identical; that being said, our stories are our own, and we may never be able to fully glimpse a Self that is divorced of enculturation and identity using ordinary means of internal discovery.

Our stories are forever-unfolding anyway, and where we are in our story is where we are—and who we are. And it is all impermanent and continuosly shifting. Our trajectories are never where we think we’re going, because we don’t move in a vacuum of force or intent. Too much is Unseen. The Wholeness is full.

We get to be who we are at the part of the story we’re caught up within, even if that’s not who we have been or who we’ll end up becoming. Fate knows that, but our self-knowledge is in the present.

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